we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
