apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
