I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
