The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
