My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
