So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
