Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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