I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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