He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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