dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
