How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
