It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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