i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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