the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
time to smoke my breakfast
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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