Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize