The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i out mim tonsoeep
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
