I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
