Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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