the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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