forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
