is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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