So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
