Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
