i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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