yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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