Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
