I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
