I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
