I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
