Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
