fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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