I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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