apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
