There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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