He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Houston, we have a squirter
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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