i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
