Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
