The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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