Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are all done wearing pants today
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