The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
