i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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