last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
