some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
