im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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