Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
