Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
