I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
