Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
