I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
