Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
