i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
