I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
