I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
