why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
